12-12-12

To a lot of people, today is a cool day. Lots of people will be getting married, having babies, and having birthdays on this special day. To my family, it is a very sad day that is also full of good memories that are all we have left. On this day 8 years ago my grandma Betty passed away from a terribly fast and awful pancreatic cancer battle. To us kids, she was fine one minute and gone the next... but later we learned that she had been suffering with the cancer for 3 years and kept it to herself because she didn't want to burden anyone.
 I have written about her a lot and I will continue to do so! It seems like the more time that goes by, I actually remember even more about her. She was the kind of person who would give the shirt off her back to anyone in need, she would invite strangers off the street to her house for a meal, and would let anyone come to her house on the holidays and she would welcome everyone in immediately like they were part of our family. No one would ever feel like an outcast around her. She had the admiration of her whole town, church, family and friends. She was literally the “glue” that held our family together. She worked for my grandpa and also taught Sunday school and did one million other things on the side! She and Pepa built a Gospel Singing Barn that was like my home for several years. Every Saturday night I would look forward to spending the night there listening to music and getting to be around my Mema doing the thing she loved most. Her song at the beginning of the show was always the best and I was proud to tell people that I was her granddaughter. I also liked running the concession stand with my sister and cousins.. I think we ate most of the profits though! 

I was thinking last night about how much she loved Christmas. In 12 days (there’s that 12 again) our family will be gathering for Christmas Eve which was her most favorite day of the year. I was thinking about how she would take the time to get every single person not just one present, but several! I remember getting at least 10 presents as well as the other 7 grandkids and 5 kids. Now that I am a parent, it seems amazing to me that she kept that all organized! There would seriously be hundreds of presents under her tree. She loved to give to others and that’s what she was all about. She would cook a HUGE meal on holidays and Sundays when we would go to her house after church. There was enough food for an army… and she would do that all by herself.

I don’t think I ever saw her actually sit down and eat. She was all about pleasing everyone else and playing with the grandkids.

I had a dream about her last night that all of her family was at their old house and we all spent the night… I stumbled to her room in the dark and she was lying awake in her bed and said “here I am Jenna!”, and started laughing. And then my Aunt Connie fell out of her bed or tripped or something and we all started giggling. I think I inherited my ridiculous love of giggling from my Mema! It probably would’ve been more fitting if my Aunt LeeAnn fell down though. Haha I remember how she would let as many grandkids as possible sleep in her huge bed with her and she would tell us stories before we went to bed. And we always heard the trains at night. Breakfast was always made when we woke up, and there would be a trip to Walmart for whatever toy we wanted and KFC to eat. “Kentucky Fried” is what she called it. And during Christmas time we would always go to Kingfisher in Lights.  

I just woke up today after that dream and I was so happy.. it was like I actually got to see her. I wonder what she thinks about how her family has gone on without her. I think she is very proud of all of us. Christmas Eve has still been my favorite day of the year since she died, and I love that we keep the traditions going. I got my love of Christmas from her for sure. The only thing that would make it better is having her there and hearing her laugh and tell her stories! There are some things that will just never be the same. I wish that my kids and so many other people would've gotten to meet her. It doesn't seem fair that they didn't get to be around her. I tell anyone about her who will listen! Again I am thankful that I got 20 years with her. I just wish there could have been 20 more.

Because He Lives was one of her favorite songs, I like these lyrics:

"And then one day
I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final
war with pain
And then as death
Gives way to victory
I'll see the lights
Of glory and
I'll know he lives.."

http://youtu.be/egBSduThg3k

and some other songs she liked...

http://youtu.be/yXAqoZuYvyA

http://youtu.be/LBNG3TYnnZw